Things to Discuss When Co-Parenting

When you enter into a co-parenting relationship, there are many things to consider to help this new relationship be successful. No matter what you decide on each topic, good communication is so important. Communicating frequently and documenting all of the decisions is important to keeping everyone on the same page. But many co-parents are not sure what they should discuss or which issues will come up down the line. Some of the things to discuss when co-parenting include:

  • Living Arrangements: Consider what living arrangements are the best for holiday custody, birthdays, and regular parenting time. While the courts can step in and help with this, it is often better for the two parents to do it on their own.
  • Transportation: Discuss how the kids will get to and from school, who will handle the after school activities, and how to get from one home to another. Consider how the kids will be contacted when they are away from one parent.
  • Any applicable faith, health, or education topics: This can include the homework that needs to be done and how the kids are doing in school, any future appointments or potential health concerns, and religious practices that the other parent may not know about.
  • Financial responsibilities: While both parents need to be financially responsible for their kids, you do need to discuss some of the finances. One thing to consider is who will claim the tax credit for the child as a dependent; both parents can’t do this. Or questions around trusts and long term financial planning (think firms like Dominion, etc).
  • Guardianship agreements if one of the parents dies while the child is still underage, you need to have this in place.
  • Emergencies: No one wants to have an emergency occur with their children, but it can occur. Having a good plan in place to help handle this, and knowing how to contact the other parent in case of an emergency can make a difference.
  • Rules: Set guidelines for the routines and activities that need to be consistently enforced within both homes. This can include homework times, meal times, bath, and bed routine to keep things organized.
  • Relationships: You should both discuss the boundaries and allowances when it comes to social activities and friends. For example, the two of you should come to some agreement about when the children are old enough to start dating, and then stay consistent with it,
  • Parental life changes: Take the time to communicate about any major changes that occur in the living situation for either parent. This is important for situations like when to introduce a new significant other to the children.

No matter what happened between you and your partner that led to the co-parenting relationship, you need to find a way to talk through all of these topics and come to an agreement that is in the best interest for the children. Co-parenting requires good communication, even if the two of you are not good friends. Take the time to go over the topics above and communicate clearly to be the best parents to your children possible.

Building Strong Co-Parenting Relationships for Two Happy Homes

It is not rare to hear co-parents describing their relationship as unique or perfect, but it takes a lot of couples months or even years of working things out before they get to that point. There are many obstacles to building solid co-parenting relationships. The most common hurdles are:

  • Extreme emotions.
  • Poor communication.
  • An obsessive desire for revenge.
  • The inability to let go and move on.

It shouldn’t be this hard for you to give your children a normal childhood. It might be over with your ex, but it’s forever with your kids. You deserve a long life of happiness with them. Two Happy Homes strive to establish a lasting bond between you, your children, and even your ex to ensure you achieve this goal whether you are living together or not.

Tips for Building Strong Co-Parenting Relationships

The Kids Should Always Come First

Divorce or separation processes often leave couples emotionally drained. This heart-wrenching situation becomes even more unbearable when teams have to put on an act in front of their children for the sake of peace and their mental well-being.

However, the make-believe act only lasts for a short time. It is, therefore, essential to put the well-being of your children above your raging emotions for a happy ending. Your bitterness will not disappear just because you wish it. Sometimes these wounds take weeks or months to heal. But, each conscious effort you make to forgive your ex is a step towards happiness and normal childhood for your children.

Respect You Co-Parent

When couples are embroiled in a complicated web of negative emotions for each other, they often turn their children against their co-parents. By doing so, they establish a destructive behavioral pattern in their children, which they project to their spouses in the future. Moreover, the conflicts between parents often lead to mental issues in children, such as ADHD, depression, and anxiety.

It is, therefore, essential to learn to respect your co-parent despite your differences. Respecting your co-parent allows your children to feel the love of both parents and prevents emotional exploitation by others. Showing respect makes the co-parenting experience all the more fun and less excruciating.

Maintain Open Communication

Maintaining civilized verbal and non-verbal communication is necessary to establish a worthwhile relationship with your partner. Open communication reduces tension between you and your co-parent. They also go a long way in alleviating anxiety in children.

Before taking action, it is also essential to talk, agree and make shared decisions, especially regarding children’s issues. Sometimes co-parents get into intense arguments over small-shared responsibilities, such as drop-offs, because of a lack of communication. The tag of war over these responsibilities also plays a massive role in the mental derailment of your children. 

Building a robust co-parenting relationship will reduce depression, low self-esteem, and behavioral issues in your children. Don’t allow your children to have a bad childhood because things didn’t work out with your ex. They deserve better. Make conscious efforts to give them a better future by visiting Two Happy Homes today.

Challenges of Co-parenting

Successful co-parenting is difficult. There is a lot of baggage between the parents, making it hard or impossible for them to bring their children up collaboratively after a divorce or separation.

Here are some of the challenges of co-parenting.

Feelings

The issues that lead to divorce and separations cause us to harbor negative emotions towards the other parent or former partner. Usually, these negative feelings lead to conflict whenever the two parties interact. Therefore, feelings are a significant hindrance to successful co-parenting. 

To co-parent successfully, each party has to learn to manage how they feel about the other person. They should not show negative feelings or talk negatively about them with their children. 

Money

There may be certain financial inequalities between the two parties after the divorce that make successful co-parenting difficult. Lack of financial input or support from either party may become a source of conflict and hinder collaborative parenting. 

As children grow, the financial resources required also increase. The financial demands may be too steep for one party to handle. It leads to abdication of parental duties and makes it impossible for successful co-parenting. 

Child support contributions are a significant source of conflict between divorced parties. When one is overwhelmed with childcare expenses, the other may be unwilling to help. As a result, conflict and arguments arise, blocking attempts at successful co-parenting.

Time

When parents have shared custody, one may feel the other has more time with the child. Where the situation persists, the parent who feels they have less time with their child may get offended and prevent successful co-parenting. 

Successful co-parents have a pragmatic and fair schedule of how they spend time with their children. The plan should focus on the children’s needs and routines. Involve the children in creating the time plan to ensure it does not inconvenience their school and social life. 

Different Parenting Styles

Consistency in parenting is a requirement for successful co-parenting. However, many couples have different parenting methods and ideas, especially after a divorce. As a result, cooperative co-parenting is difficult. Different parenting styles lead to parallel co-parenting, which has its benefits. However, cooperative co-parenting is ideal. 

To resolve this problem, the parents should agree on how to keep a consistent lifestyle for their children.

Lifestyle Choices

Conflicts between divorcees often occur when one disagrees with the lifestyle choices of the other. Consequently, it may exacerbate their resentment and prevent any chance of collaborative co-parenting. 

Tips for Successful Co-parenting

  • Heal. The end of a relationship leads to emotional wounds. These hurt feelings keep both parties from successful co-parenting. Both parents need time to overcome their hurt before they can reconnect for collaborative co-parenting. 
  • Prioritize your children. Collaborative co-parenting benefits the children who need stability, security, and reassurance that they are not at fault for the divorce. 
  • Open communication. It ensures that both parties are on the same page on how to raise the children. 
  • Do not speak negatively about the other parent to the children. 
  • Make decisions that affect the children together.
  • Ask for help. Get a support system from the extended family whenever parenting responsibilities overwhelm you. Or, hire a therapist to talk things over and help clarify your needs and get solutions. 

Benefits of Co-Parenting

For many divorced or separated couples, co-parenting is difficult. However, it is essential for the proper upbringing of children. Cooperative co-parenting is the ideal co-parenting relationship. The parents and the children enjoy the benefits of collaborative co-parenting. 

Here are some of the benefits of successful co-parenting:

It Sets An Example For the Children

Parents are role models for their children. Therefore, their relationship after their divorce or separation shows their children how to relate to others.

Successful cooperative co-parenting teaches children amiability, conflict resolution skills, and how to develop and sustain healthy relationships. 

Consistency

Cooperative co-parenting ensures that parents can communicate effectively about the environment and upbringing they want for their children. Therefore, the child will not argue with or trick the other parent with something that one parent lets them do while the other may not agree. 

Consistency enhances routines and helps develop high self-esteem in children. It also assures them that their parents love them and are present in their lives. It also helps to build a relationship with each parent separately. 

Develop Organization Skills

Parents and children in a co-parenting relationship have regular changeovers. Everyone must have highly developed organizational skills to make the move flawless. 

Security

Successful co-parenting provides a feeling of security in the children as they know they will always have their parents, even after a divorce. The children understand that their parent’s separation is not their fault. 

A secure child has high self-esteem, which ensures good performance in school and society. It also helps to improve their perception and adaptability in different situations.  

Peace of Mind for the Parents

Successful co-parenting gives confidence to the parents that their children are safe whenever they are with the other parent. 

It also gets the parents involved in the upbringing of the children as they desire, even after a divorce. As a result, it eliminates the single-parent burden and ensures social and emotional support when parenting.

Also, collaborative co-parenting eliminates conflicts between the parents since they have a similar parenting style.

What Is Coparenting? A Complete Overview

Raising children is the responsibility of both parents when in the same house. As times have changed, family dynamics have evolved, resulting in different parenting types. 

Nearly half of all children worldwide will see their parents divorce, while a step-parent brings up one out of ten children. 

The changing parenting landscape has led to concepts such as co-parenting to ensure proper child upbringing while the parents are not together. 

What Is Co-parenting?

Co-parenting is the collaborative raising of children when the parents are not together as a couple. It is also known as shared parenting. It occurs after a separation or divorce.  

Successful co-parenting requires the parents to collaborate and communicate as they raise the child or children involved. They do not need similar parenting styles but must have the same goals and goodwill toward the children. 

On the opposing end of collaborative co-parenting is parallel parenting. In this case, the parents may not like each other or communicate effectively. Additionally, each parent looks after the children in their way without a common goal for the child or children. 

Usually, parallel parenting leads to stress for both the parents and the children. Also, the children may miss proper parental attention resulting in emotional challenges, low self-esteem, poor grades in school, and social problems.

To succeed in co-parenting, the adults should have a structured and friendly relationship. Successful co-parenting will result in well-raised and grounded children who enjoy a good relationship with both parents even when they live in different homes. 

Open and proper communication and willingness to compromise for the benefit of the children are essential for successful co-parenting. 

Types of Co-parenting

Cooperative Co-parenting

It is the ideal co-parenting method. It requires the parents to have a cordial relationship that focuses on the well-being of the child or children. The parents in cooperative co-parenting relationships solve conflicts amicably and support each other in raising the children. 

A cooperative co-parenting relationship helps the children cope with the divorce or separation of their parents. It also helps to maintain and develop the relationship between the parents and their children. 

Acrimonious divorces lead to emotional hurts that may negatively impact parenting. Cooperative co-parenting leads to quicker healing and more positive relationships between the parents and the children. 

Parallel Co-parenting

Parallel co-parenting is where the parents raise the children independently when they have them. Little or no cooperation or collaboration in parenting is the hallmark of parallel co-parenting. Each parent approaches parenting differently. Usually, it leads to emotional and social conflict in the children.

Parallel co-parenting limits the interaction between the parents. It is ideal where there is too much conflict between the two former partners. The best form of communication, when necessary, is email or text. 

What one parent does when they have their time with the child does not influence what the other does. Parents in a parallel co-parenting relationship may only agree on issues such as healthcare and education.

Parallel co-parenting helps to reduce conflict between the parents, which lowers stress levels for all parties.

Conflicted Co-parenting

A conflicted co-parenting relationship has lots of conflicts between the parents. Usually, there is criticism and negativity, which leads to zero collaboration in child upbringing. 

When in a conflicted co-parenting relationship, both parents must establish firm boundaries. Additionally, they must follow the stipulated rules of the custody order. Most times, it gets stressful. You can always seek support from friends and supportive family members when overwhelmed. 

Limited interactions and brief written communications are also a hallmark of conflicted co-parenting. 

The start of a co-parenting relationship is a breakdown from the previous one. The parents should try to separate their emotions from their parenting style and strive to get into cooperative co-parenting for the benefit of their children.